The Epic Romance of Sleipniara and Shadowfax
by Starfish of the Elves
Summary: You guessed it. It's a ShadowfaxMS. Thanks to the PPC board for your lovely help.
1. A Lovely Mare Cometh

Ah, the lovely and inevitable author's note prologue. 

First, this is under the category "Romance/Parody" for a reason. It is a satire-ish thing actually, and it is so because it is romance. I, like many others, am sick of Legomances, particularly the kind that involve a girl with a flawed background, yet she is perfect yet feisty yet gentle yet romantic yet a kick-orc-butt warrior woman, yet she is also royalty. 

Yes, there are many "yet"s.

This story is not funny/hilarious/hahaha in the way of a story that involves a Sue dying a horrible and most painful death. Though I do like to see that. Often. This story is funny/hilarious/actuallyIdon'tknowifitisornotcauseIcan'tjudgemyownwritingsobearwithmehahaha because I have taken the Sue genre and bent it into a pretzel. 

This is a Shadowmance. With Shadowfax, obviously. Yes, I mean that Shadowfax.

Before this prologue ends, I should like to thank everyone on the PPC message board for your wonderful ideas that I use in this story. I would particularly like to thank Otik (a.k.a. Jay, if the board constitution lies not) for the name Sleipniara. It's perfect, pseudo-mythology and pseudo-Elvish (i.e. "I know Orialares doesn't actually _mean_ anything in Elvish, but it sounds kewl!!!!!1!" Or that's how I see it.) all in one wonderful name!

Also, any OOC or un-horselike behavior is here for satiric purposes. (Do Sueists even care about keeping people IC and IS? [In species]) And while we're on the subject of impossible happenings, forget about common sense, because who cares about the fact that a horse cannot braid its own tail, yet no people have been mentioned yet in the fic?

And lastly, Shadowfax and anything else of Middle Earth belongs to Tolkien. I own the horrible clichéd SueHorses and the horses with My Little Pony sounding names.

So, o masochistic readers, without further ado I do present most formally to you The Epic Romance of Shadowfax and Sleipniara, written with much inspiration from the PPC board, much hate towards Sues, and as much cliché as is bearable.

~

The lovely mare had not been part of Shadowfax's herd for long. When she turned up, attacked by Wargs and bleeding heavily (though she recovered quickly and with no ill effects), they had had no choice but to take her in. Now it seemed like some were regretting their generosity. 

The gorgeous creature that had joined them was not full Meara, which was their reason for disliking her. Moonstar whinnied, "She's half Pegasus!!! Can you believe such a thing??"

"Personally, I feel sorry for her," nickered Sunsea. "D'you think she'll ever find herself a love, looking like that?"

"Even as a foal, I hated those tales of flying horses and such nonsense," put in Silvermane. "I always said: horses are horses and birds are birds. Silly to mix 'em up in a horrible creation like that." She inclined her head towards where the fairly new arrival was grazing and the elderly mares all nodded sagely.

Sleipniara paid no heed to the gossipy elders. She was a perfect vision of confidence; her gently ferocity and humble vanity seeped from every cell of her being. She was pure white, a testament to her Mearanean heritage, though her coat gleamed as though it were a dragonfly's wing, in glimmering, shining iridescence. Her mane and tail were long, and her tail was plaited exquisitely in a complicated braid. Both tail and mane were shining midnight black, with streaks of gold like sunlight, and they sparkled as though all the stars of the heavens were mirrored in them. Her hooves were dainty and delicate, though her body was athletic and lean, yet feminine. These things, though they made her beautiful, they were not what made here different from the others. What made her so strange were her wings. The wings were feathery dusted with a gold glittering that reminded one of stardust. 

With such a gorgeous appearance, it's impossible to believe that she didn't capture the attentions of at least one eligible young stallion. However, most of the horses thought her a freak, although she was lovely. Despite this, though, there was one horse enraptured with her. 

A/N: Oooooooh, I wonder who the mystery stallion could be. Hmmmmm…*oozes out sarcasm through the ears*  Anyway, if you are a complete masochist, or at least enjoy moronic clichés, then stay tuned for the next riveting chapter.


	2. An Angelic Vision With Overgrown Bird Wi...

Disclaimer: Shadowfax and the concept of Mearas belongs to Tolkien. Any badly named horses in this chapter belong to me.

"Shadowfax, what are you looking at?" Spearsilver asked his friend. 

"Nothing," neighed the handsome stallion quickly, turning his head away from the angelic vision he had just seen. "Nothing at all."

His somewhat less handsome, less muscular, yet still attractive friend stiffened. "You were staring at something." Then it dawned on him. "You were looking at that half-breed!"

Shadowfax tried to defend himself. "No I wasn't…Well, okay, maybe I was…Not really though…She's kind of pretty, don't you think?"

"No!" screeched Spearsilver. "She's not even full Meara! How could you think that something with overgrown bird wings sticking out of its back could possibly be pretty? You are a young prince, and it would do you good to remember that. As royalty, you must marry a healthy young Meara of this herd, particularly one your sire has arranged a marriage with for you."

"Y-yes, v-very well, very well Spearsilver…Race you to that rock then?"

And they raced, Shadowfax winning, as he is the better athlete, as well as the better warrior.

Later, Shadowfax went to meet his sire, who said that he needed to talk.

Riverstar, king of the herd, spoke to his son. "Young Shadowfax, I have heard from one of your friends that you have been watching the new arrival to our herd."

"A prince should know his people, should he not?"

Riverstar looked taken aback at his son's incredible wit and cunning. "Why yes, I suppose he should. Remember though, she is not full Meara, so you mustn't have feelings for her."

"Oh Sire, I hardly know her." 

After a while though, Shadowfax decided that it would be a good idea to get to know her at least a bit. As he explained it to his sire, "To make sure she is not dangerous."

So he went to speak to her.

And decided that she was dangerous. 

She was a danger to his heart.

A/N: Now if that wasn't the corniest way to end a chapter, I don't know what is. This is starting to sound like a reeeeeeeeally bad Disney movie. Anyway, thanks for the reviews everyone! :) I feel speshul.


	3. Telepathy And Stolen Lines

Disclaimer: Come on now, Tolkien can't write this badly! And yes, some of these first few lines have been taken from somewhere and altered to fit the story. Not telling you where though. ^_^ Also, the little ~ followed by some words in italics mean telepathy. And I know Mearas aren't Immortal, but hey, it's satire.

Shadowfax walked up to the lovely, mysterious mare. 

_~Hello Shadowfax…~_she whispered in his mind.

He jumped. She spoke in his head!

_~How did you know that name?~ _He jumped again. Now he was speaking to her through _his_ mind.

_~I know a lot about you. My name is Sleipniara.~_

_~Sleipniara? The Sleipniara? The one that carried Frodo to Mordor?~_

_~That was a long time ago~ _she replied coolly.

_~It's just…I thought you were a stallion.~_

_~Most stallions do.~_

She was amazing. In all of his Immortal Meara life he had never seen anything like it. The last time he remembered feeling so breathless and in the clouds was when the battle of Helm's Deep had been won, thanks to his superior skill.

_~How do you know about me?~_

_~Words gets around, particularly when one can speak to any living creature telepathically.~_

Wow. Telepathy. He was enthralled with this creature.

_~I don't know about you though. Tell me.~_

_~I am half Pegasus. You know, horses with wings.~_

His heart felt as though it had wings when he was around her.

_~My parents were killed when I was but a filly. I was terribly grieved.~_

He would kill anything that caused his beloved sorrow.

_~I wandered lost through the wilderness for a good part of my eternal life.~_

He was lost in her eyes: deep, liquid, violet-gold pools of wisdom and kindness.

_~Pegasi are Immortal you know.~_

And so were Mearas…they could spend forever together.

_~I learned much about war and battle skills.~_

She was a warrior as well?

_~I met the Hobbit in Mordor, though some wonder why I was in Mordor in the first place.~_

It didn't matter…all that mattered was that she was here, now.

_~That's the only time anyone ever rode me.~_

So proud, she was. Yet so tender and considerate.

_~Well, after that ordeal I wandered a bit more. I suppose you could say I wandered as much as the Rangers' horses.~ _She laughed, and her laugh was like bells, chimes, clinky things in the wind. _~Fine fellows, really.~_

She had befriended the Ranger Horses? They were said to be mysterious and hostile to strangers.

_~They don't care, you see, about me being half-Meara, since there are a few half-bloods among them as well.~_

Did he detect a hint of sadness in her voice?

_~I wish this herd accepted me for what I was, that they looked past my bloodline and saw the soul inside.~_

A/N: The corny, cheesy, sappiness of this is starting to get really annoying.


	4. Silver Princess by the Purple Lynx Bunny...

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story that Tolkien would not be ashamed of.

_~I'll try to see your soul. You're too lovely to be so misunderstood.~_

She laughed and pushed past him, running her feminine muzzle down his neck.

_~You think so, Prince? You're going to understand the misunderstood and be the faultless leader?~_

Shadowfax stiffened. _~I have faults.~_

She laughed again. The music of angels…_~Like what?~_

_~Like…like…~_

Her deep eyes swirled. _Pour out your heart, _they whispered.__

_~Like how I want to marry for love.~_

_~That's no fault. That's beautiful.~_

She didn't understand. ~_It's a fault if you're a ruler. A prince. A king.~_

_~Then I'm glad I'm not a ruler.~_

_~It's a great honor.~_

_~Says who? You're just the same as all of us.~_

_~I…I…No, I'm not.~_

***

She's shaking my mind and I don't know why

But when I'm around her I feel high

Like I can fly

In the crimson black and white sky.

***

_~I'd better go. Horses will start getting ideas.~_

_~Let them.~_

***

She's a girl and I'm a guy.

It's as simple as cherry pie.

I want her to be my

Silver princess.

***

_~I don't want them to ruin my reputation. Or hurt yours even more.~_

She stiffened. _~So you think I have a bad reputation?~_

_~No! It's just…they don't like you as it is, and…~_

_~I'll go now, so that you can be the perfect prince, whose only fault is to want to marry for love.~_

_~No! Sleipniara! I didn't mean it that way!~_

***

And then I cry

I wipe a tear from my 

Deep sorrowful eye

And it burns like lye.

***

She turned and left him.

_~Sleipniara! Please!~_

She didn't even look back.

***

I want her to be my

Silver princess.

Oh oh oh

Silver princess

Yeah!

My silver princess.

Silver

Silver

Silver princess.

***

A/N: The song mentioned is by the Purple Lynx Bunny Carrot Heads 24627428!!!!!!!!!1 Their kewlies!11

Actually, I wrote it off the top of my head and it is supposed to be that bad. (Thank Eru.) It's probably the worst thing I've seen since my friend wrote that purposely bad poem that went like this:

Red, red.

I like bread.

 Yellow yellow.

I have a yellow pillow.

Orange orange.

I like orange.

And so on and so forth. It was funny. ^_^  Thanks again to all the reviewers! *distributes Tasty Things of Choice™*


	5. Single Tears And Healing Roses

Sleipniara was standing in a lovely glade with many willows, laughing streams, and moonlit butterflies. Yet she did not notice the beauty of her sanctuary. A single tear fell from her deep, oceanic blue eyes (They had changed to match her sorrowful mood.) and when it splashed on the ground, the ground glimmered and glittered and within moments a single red rose had grown. Sleipniara knew that these roses held extreme healing powers, and that if she ever died they would wither away and bloom only on the anniversary of her death, but she was too sad to think of this extraordinary gift right now. 

Shadowfax could possibly be the only horse who had ever truly loved her, or so she had thought. She should be used to it by now. None of the other horses she had ever loved had ever loved her back.  They could never look past her strange bloodline. "Those awful purebreds!" she sobbed in a defensive rage. 

Suddenly, she heard a sound. She spun around, trying to cover her tears. _I am a strong mare_, she thought fiercely. 

It was Shadowfax, looking like he had stepped out of a fairy tale. His head was lowered in humble sorrow and he looked up at her through his shining forelock. He shyly walked over to her and lay a lily at her feet.

"Truly, I didn't mean to hurt you. Do you forgive me?"

There were no words for how she felt. She walked over to Shadowfax, marvelous, wonderful, beautiful, kind, generous, loving, humble, gentle, romantic proud, poetic Shadowfax, and shyly, yet lovingly, nuzzled his nose.

A/N: Sobbing single tears…riiiiiiiight…Anyway, thank you o reviewers! You make my day(s)! And since I'm in a giving/bribing mood today…*hands out My Little Binky (©Terry Pratchett) sets to reviewers* (By the way, if you don't know who Binky is, then you've been deprived of some good satire.)    


	6. First Nuzzle

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is not a Sue or plot device. I don't particularly want them, but I don't think Tolkien does either (he owns everything else) so I claim ownership.

As they nuzzled, Sleipniara felt sparkling fireworks run through her body. She had never felt so wonderful, not even when she was flying, which, before now, she had thought was the greatest feeling ever. It was like pink bunnies dancing a waltz. It was like drowning in a burning sea of glitter while rainbows flashed in joy overhead. It was like the song of pop stars becoming a syrupy waterfall. It was like the sun exploding in a burst of colored sugar. It was like a Skittles commercial.

Shadowfax was feeling the exact same way, but different. To him, it was more like a sweet rain of lemonade. It was like butterflies tap-dancing on your spine. It was like an icy volcano spreading chocolate syrup all over your body. It was like sniffing ice cream. It was like bathing in liquid silk. It was like living in a strawberry milkshake.

_She forgives me!_ he thought. _After all I did to her, after all the pain I caused her, she forgives me._ _She is so very perfect._

At the same time, Sleipniara was thinking, _He's so wonderful. How could I have ever done that to him, leaving him like that. He never tried to hurt me. _

When at last Shadowfax broke away, they both said simultaneously, "I'm sorry." They laughed nervously. Then Sleipniara's voice grew soft. "Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that. I was being weak. Warriors shouldn't act like that."

Shadowfax was going to tell her that it wasn't her fault, it was his, but he was distracted. "You're a warrior?"

She blushed and ducked her head. "Yes. Most think it's shameful, that mares shouldn't fight." She picked up her head again and her eyes glowed periwinkle with pride. "But they should! We can fight just as well as the stallions."

Shadowfax stared adoringly at her. "I'm sure you can. When I become King of the herd, I'll make a law about it."

"That would make me very happy."

Shadowfax smiled slyly. _~Do you know what would make me very happy?~_ he asked, changing to telepathy so that only she could hear him.

_~What?~_ she asked, feigning ignorance and moving closer.

_~To nuzzle you again.~_

_~My pleasure.~_

The two nuzzled again, blissfully unaware of the figure in the trees behind them, watching their every move.

A/N: OoooIHooo, cliffeeee!?!??!2,11/331,31111!!!!!!!! 

A nuzzle being the meeting of two horses' noses, this chapter is a bit…off the wall. Ah well. Logic will die! Sueness shall triumph! And lastly, yet never leastly, *presents all reviewers with an Extra Speshul Deluxe Barn and Stable™ (comes in your choice of Black, Ink, Ebony, or Morgoth's Void) for their My Little Binky™* I wuv you all.


	7. Gollum Like Debates Concerning Friends

Disclaimer: If you want it, I probably don't own it. 

"How dare he?!?!?!?!?!" screamed Spearsilver to the wind. "That…that…less than Meara scum! He nuzzled her! He _nuzzled_ her. He nuzzled _her_. _He _nuzzled her." His raging italics set metaphorical fire to the trees, which he galloped through with speed and anger. When he had outrun the memory and gone as far as his inferior legs could take him, he stopped. A Gollum-ish debate took place inside his head. On one side stood an Asfaloth-like, angelic creature who smiled tranquilly at him and told him that Shadowfax was his friend, and that he ought to forgive him for this passing fancy. On the other side stood a cruel horse like a Nazgûl steed who flared its blood-red nostrils and told him to smash both his former friend and his sweetheart into tiny oozing pieces. 

"He is your friend, despite everything," said the Asfaloth-horse calmly. "It's only an infatuation. Don't let a mare break up the most wonderful friendship that this herd has ever seen." He began to sing: 

We will always be friends! 

_In good times and bad!_

_And when I fall off of a cliff you will save me!_

_And if I'm lying in the middle of a road you won't let them pave me!_

_Because we're friends!_

_Friends! Friends! That's what we are!_

_We go together like salt and tar!_

_Like near and far!_

_Like fish and bar!_

_And we are always friends!_

_We won't let a half-breed mare disrupt our friendship!_

_Because that's how close our friendship is!_

_It's always to me that you can always turn!_

_If you're on fire, I won't let you burn!_

_Because we're friends!_

_Friends! Friends! That's what we are!_

_We go together like salt and tar!_

_Like near and far!_

_Like fish and—_

The highly emotional song was cut off by the Nazgûl-horse shrieking, "No! He betrayed you! He values her love more than your friendship! You will always be second-best! Second-best, while the best is a half-breed! Can you feel the indignity souring your soul? You must rid yourself of them both! Trust me, I'm evil. You should always trust the evil ones, especially when you're one of the main character's friends."

Spearsilver cocked his head thoughtfully. It did seem logical. He charged off to his herd, to Shadowfax's sire, prepared to tell all. He would let King Riverstar deal with them.

A/N: That's right, the song in that chapter was more stupidity brought to you by the sadistic author! I could hear various Disney characters singing it, which was extremely scarring. I am VERY sorry that I took so long updating. *flings self upon the ground* Thank you dear reviewers, you brighten my day/night/extremely early morning. *hands out Susan™ and Death™ action figures as companions for My Little Binky™* (Dang, I would _love_ a Death™ action figure…*sighs wistfully*) 

And to J.M.M.Harris, I give UberFun!Objects of Randomity™ for correctly guessing where I semi-thieved the lines in chapter three from. *does the HappyPraise!Dance for J.M.M.Harris*    


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